Agnosticism

I don't think I can sum up my religious beliefs in one word. I think I'd need two phrases. 1) I like celebrating!! 2) I believe we don't know for sure that there is a "god."

I used to be an atheist I guess. Well first I used to be a Hindu although I can't say I remember any time when I was a devout religious person. I mean I would recite my shubham karoti every morning and evening and the ganapati stotra like a good kid. But, I think as early as age ten I was wondering why my mother and grandmother thought it was a good idea to call our cleaning lady's drunkard husband to perform his strange dhrusta kadaycha (removing the evil eye although that sounds worse in english) ritual. I guess I always questioned religion but I wish I could remember what exactly made me so angry against it. But there was definitely a period when I blamed religion for all the conflicts in the world.


I think many atheists go through that phase. Many atheists I know are still in that phase. It's understandable to be angry at closed mindedness but not to the extent that one becomes closed minded oneself. What I mean is...I think probably the world would be a better place if there weren't any religion and everyone just was kind and considerate toward each other without hope for some entry into heaven or some such thing. But it isn't realistic to think that religion is going to disappear any time soon. Also, it isn't fair to think that all people who are religious are stupid and let others do their thinking for them. I think the most enlightening conversation about religion I ever had was when a friend explained to me that he acknowledges his faith as something he believes in and not THE TRUTH. It's hard to understand that concept but it's freaking brilliant! And I realize that being an atheist requires me to BELIEVE too. This is where I stand now...I believe we don't know if there is a god or not. I believe that most likely there is no god because I don't see any evidence to suggest that there is a god. Just like I see no reason to believe that there are unicorns. However, I realize that I know neither for sure. So the closest I can get to THE TRUTH is just accepting that we don't know. That's what makes me the happiest to believe. I can understand that someone else might be happier believing in something else.


I really hate the fact that atheists are so misunderstood though. I think there was survey that said that an atheist was less likely to be elected to public office than a black jewish homosexual woman or something like that. Plus I recently read the Life of Pi and that annoyed me because the book claims that it will make you believe in god. The author claims that by choosing to not believe in god we are missing out on the more fun story....***SPOILER ALERT*** See he tells the story in a wonderous way like the kid is stuck on a boat with a tiger, a hyena and a zebra. The tiger eats the hyena and the zebra. When the insurance agents don't believe that he survived for a year on a lifeboat with a tiger, he says that instead of a tiger it was a cannibalistic french chef who killed his mother and another injured passenger. Then he says which story would you rather hear? He said the animals was a happier story and akin to believing in god. That makes no sense to me!!! Personally I don't understand how people can believe in a god who would let things get as bad as they do in either story. It would make me sad to think that there is a god and still so much unnecessary suffering in this world. I refuse to believe in a god that can be good and all powerful and worthy of my worship given the state of things. Of course I realize that what I believe does not change THE TRUTH hahaha, but who knows what that is.


One last thing!! For those of you who never knew....I love celebration. You'd never believe I was an atheist/agnostic if you saw me singing at Ganpati, or decorating the christmas tree or accompanying Smeli to seders or helping set up the sapt sheen for Navroz. I'll celebrate anything!